The Devil Makes [Me].
I was walking a family friend’s dog through the streets of Silver Lake, Los Angeles with my head floating in the sky.
After six continual days of pushing myself and one terrible bong hit - my head had enough pressure to blow up the biggest balloons for a birthday party. A nice one too. Not those parties where you show up to 21 pithy balloons half deflated and the host so depressed that they already skimped some icing off the cake. I was grateful to be walking around solo, albeit wittingly tiny dog in hand, because my voice had been expressed to the point of vanishing thanks to uncountable cough attacks in the middle of the night. My hair clipped half up, because the half down was an established birds nest gently covering my perspiring backline. The heat wave on it’s end, and thanks to climate change dampened for the day with a very rare hurricane gracing the boundaries of Southern California. Public service announcement: the words ‘very rare’ will become quite literally very rare when it comes to describing natural disasters for our future timeline. I digress.
A group turned a corner ahead of me so as to me on the same street as our path. This little teddy graham of a dog enjoy humans, so they pepped up their step to try and catch up. We all seemed to weave in and out of a straight line, eventually meeting up at the corner. I could tell by then that they were some sort of evangelists, casually knocking on doors and all with the same type black saddle bag looking too empty to be used for more than slim-lined pamphlets and a cell phone.
I thought that our casual nature, and my modern day aesthetic would deter them. But assumptions are just that, something that can be proved very inaccurate. So I was proved of my inaccuracy, when a mother and son - I am also assuming here, I know the dangers - stopped to comment on my walking buddy’s cuteness.
‘They’re using this dog as a way to gain my trust in their campaign. Genius,’ I thought to myself. I once was a street faring evangelist myself back in the day. Fighting for the planet one save the oceans petition at a time. It'‘s hard work, and even when my values don’t align with the campaign - my heart holds compassion for the determination behind it. I applauded their in, and subtly gave them permission to go with it by engaging in dialogue.
English was not her first language, it was very much so mastered. Her son didn’t have to speak any language, for this was his clear observation round. Taking mental pictures and leaving only hand-me-down black leather soled footprints. Approximately seven sentences into the nuances of having a dog in LA, she pulled out a pamphlet. She was so suave, I honestly didn’t even notice it until it was neatly held in her hands. Her left hand pointing at it like was a Jeopardy prize. She had a tidy assortment of gold bangles on her wrist, and newly painted fingernails.
‘Can I ask you this question?’ she proceeded to point to a question highlighted on the pamphlet. It said something along the lines of ‘Do you want to know the secret to a joyous life?’. I actually took the time to read it, as she moved on with more questions regarding my religion.
Here’s a campaigning pro-tip: don’t lead with a question unless you are going to do two things. One, explicitly answer it for them. Not nebulously. Very clearly. And secondly, don’t forget this one, actively listen to their response. Listen to what your audience has to say about the topic and respond with open ears. Otherwise, you will lose the audience most assuredly. You may have the body there sympathetically, but your captive audience will be gone.
I continued to have, at least on my end, a gentle and engaged conversation with this woman. I listened to her language, clearly dictated by a single belief. And I chose to listen openly. To hear it. To feel it. Because lately, I’ve noticed that we are all trying to say the same exact fucking thing in life.
I heard her say that there is an answer as to how to live a joyous life. I heard her say that we live in a world of suffering. That, this suffering can make much more sense when we have a consistent practice in spirituality. I heard her say that God is life, and life is God. And that we are ever accepted, existing and supported in the knowing that Love surrounds us.
Now lemme be clear, the way she said it - the actual words she used were globular, sticky messes to me. They were so deeply rooted in a dogmatic belief that acceptance, the truest form, couldn’t exist there. But, the intention in the words. That’s where I heard these things. I’ve just updated them to words that feel in integrity to me.
Here’s where it gets interesting. Somewhere along the way she talked about ending suffering in the world by doing the right things in life. How all our actions have consequences, etc. (you know where that is going). Then I gently rebutted that black and white / right versus wrong mentality she was pushing did not work great for me. I said that so far in my life, what I see when that way of thinking is forced…is suffering. The irony. She even stopped. Nodded her head. And contemplated, either in true contemplation or in a sort of ‘what the hell do I say to that now?’ sense.
But by now, I was interested in only one thing. I wanted to know what she felt. Not for her to regurgitate the very same Bible verses that me Mum sends me throughout the year. I wanted to know how it this human experience was for her. So I prodded. I asked her this, ‘Where do you think all this suffering comes from?’. She quickly pointed to the verse, and mentioned Adam and Eve and temptations.
When I could find an opening, I asked again, ‘No. I’m asking you. Where do you personally think suffering comes from?’. And without a blink she responded, ‘The Devil. It would be the Devil.’
This is where my active ears peaked because I see one of two explanations here. And each of these pointing at this central idea: that the ‘Devil’ has been remarkably misinterpreted throughout the centuries of our many cultures as a blasphemous, terrible thing to be avoided at all costs. Did we get that wrong?
I’m going to argue we’ve at least missed the whole God damned point…
Here they are:
The ‘Devil’ is out to bring you down. You don’t want to mess with her. She’s here to destroy you, and she’ll be along your path everywhere you look. Watch out, it can be painful when she’s in your life. And painful is bad.
The ‘Devil’ is an ingenious story/identity/structure to make life so comfortable and reassuring that we don’t have to question anything in life. Just believe, and you shall be set free.
So here’s what I told her suffering comes from - the mind. I even gave an insensitive example of her son physically hurting me - in my defense I was trying to include the poor guy. And how, the suffering in the scenario were my thoughts. It wasn’t that he hurt me, that was over. It was that I let it get to me so much, I was over here standing in misery over it. And that if I focused on myself, stayed in my business - I could end the suffering. And that when I end the suffering, this world. The world she said was full of pain and suffering, it could look a little more joyous to me. I could see the joy she brought up in her first question much more clearly.
Now at this point, I was quite proud of my allegory. I tying it all in to her references. To the scripture she pointed out. To the questions on her pamphlet. But, that was all lost because the belief was deep. It didn’t allow her to move, or so it seemed.
So we gracefully thanked each other for our time. I inadvertently gave myself an exit as my coughing attack came back with a vengeance and she quickly wrapped up. They shuffled down the street to their family. As I stood at the same corner, still reliving our conversation.
Back to my findings. Who is the ‘Devil’ in all of this?
As I ventured the meager walk uphill, stopping for bush smells and air whiffs, I thought, ‘what a fantastic way to let ourselves off the hook!!!’
Here’s my remake of the two findings, using the mind in replacement for the devil.
Updated findings:
The ‘mind’ is out to bring you down. You don’t want to mess with her. She’s here to destroy you, and she’ll be along your path everywhere you look. Watch out, thoughts and the emotions that come with it can be painful for your life. And painful we don’t want painful.
The ‘mind’ holds many ingenious stories/identities/structure to make life so uncomfortable and un-assuring that it makes life complicated when we buy into it. Just renounce your thoughts and emotions as ludicrous, and you shall be set free.
